A wise man once told me that I could do anything I wanted to; I just had to be prepared to accept the consequences of my actions. I learned what he was talking about nearly 20 years ago, in the midst of the painful breakup of my second marriage.
It wasn’t like I didn’t have any warnings. My wife had requested that I accept more of the financial responsibility for our family so she’d have the option of quitting work and having a child. And while I verbally agreed to uphold my end of this agreement, I never seemed to get around to leaving my unfulfilling, under-compensated job to find a better one. After a while, she tired of my vacillation and inaction and asked for a separation. And though I wanted to keep working to resolve our differences, a few months later she announced that she was taking a job half a continent away.
I felt hurt, betrayed and outraged; and I was certain that this was all her fault. If she’d just stuck around, we could have worked it out. But once I’d gotten through my anger, I awakened to my role in the breakup. I realized that I hadn’t kept my word to her. More than that, however, I discovered that I’d been so focused on fixing the relationship that I had neglected myself and my purpose in life, losing some of my passion for living in the process.
As more time passed my path became clear. I filed for the divorce that I’d previously avoided. I bid adieu to my best consulting client, declining the opportunity to become their full-time employee. And I packed my bags and my cat, Chocolate, and moved to Austin, Texas to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. At the age of forty-something, I began to take full responsibility for my actions and hold myself accountable for the choices that I made.
It seems that lots of folks in this nation are making choices without wanting to take responsibility for their outcomes. Take, for example, this nation’s consumption of low-cost fast foods. The Center for Disease Control points out that approximately 30 percent of U.S. adults are obese and that obesity contributes to about 400,000 deaths annually. Now I certainly believe that folks have the right to eat what they want. But suing McDonalds because you can’t get into those size 36 pants anymore? McDonalds doesn’t forcibly cram that stuff down anyone’s throat. More truth in advertising? Probably a good idea. Regulating ads that promote unhealthy behaviors? Maybe. But anyone with half a brain knows that he’s going to have to super-size his Dockers if he continues to super-size the fries.
Speaking of being accountable for one’s actions, how ‘bout them politicians? George W. Bush and his Mayberry Machiavellis led this nation into a war against Iraq because Saddam had weapons of mass destruction that he planned to use on us at any moment. Turns out it was all BS. And now we have from ten to twenty thousand dead and untold thousands wounded in Iraq, but no one wants to take responsibility for this catastrophe. And the Democrats aren’t off the hook either. John Kerry and many other Democrats in Congress voted to give Bush the authority to go to war. To try to weasel out of that vote now is downright deceitful and irresponsible. When you screw up, own up to it. Most Americans are forgiving people. The reason many of us didn’t know what to make of Richard Clarke’s personal apology for his and this nation’s intelligence failures before the 9/11 Committee was because such an action is so rare in Washington, D.C.
Of course the mainstream media is overdue for a few mea culpas as well. As it turns out, the vast majority of the journalists in this country were buying the pre-war propaganda that the Bushies were selling and feeding it to us devoid of side dishes of opposing views. If the media giants had done more critical analysis or if we ourselves had been discerning enough to recognize the misinformation for what it was, perhaps the war in Iraq could have been avoided. Now the Washington Post, CNN, Newsweek and others have backed off their nationalistic perspectives and begun asking the current administration tougher questions. Nonetheless the only real apology I’ve seen so far is from Rick Mercier, a columnist for The Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA):
"Sorry we let unsubstantiated claims drive our coverage. Sorry we were dismissive of experts who disputed White House charges against Iraq. Sorry we let a band of self-serving Iraqi defectors make fools of us. Sorry we fell for Colin Powell's performance at the United Nations. Sorry we couldn't bring ourselves to hold the administration's feet to the fire before the war, when it really mattered. Maybe we'll do a better job next war."
President Bush claims he wants “a society in which people take responsibility for the decisions they make.” And I think most of the rest of us want that too, George. Otherwise I think we’re headed for a divorce of a different kind.
