Well, it's been over a month, so I guess it's time to have my say in my own inimitable way. As Bobby Dylan once said, "I'm a poet, and I know it. Hope I don't blow it."

I was across the mountains in Knoxville over the weekend at an extraordinary experiential workshop offered by the Kairos Foundation called The Power of Love. What did I take from my weekend experience? It's as easy as this . . . and as challenging as this: In any situation, with any other, will I choose to act out of love and connection, or will I choose to act out of fear and separation? It's always my choice. Always has been.

Anyway, by chance while in Knoxville , I ran into an old friend who'd introduced me to the music of Bob Dylan back in the early 1960s. We were sitting around the Sigma Chi house at UT (the real UT, the University of Tennessee at Knoxville ) one day, and "Gospel Plow" started blasting out on the sound system compliments of Bob McMillen, recently returned from a stint at Yale. I actually thought the music was a joke at first, but the lyrics and Dylan's acoustic guitar and harmonica finally won me over. His music became the soundtrack for many of my contemporaries during the Sixties ("Mr. Tambourine Man," "The Times They Are A-Changin'," "Blowing in the Wind," "With God on Our Side" among others). I remember (vaguely) an evening in 1966 with Bob Brinkley and the Jernigan brothers, smoking pot, drinking lots of cheap beer and listening to Dylan's newly-released Blonde on Blonde album over and over and over again.

Dylan is still alive and performing, though few of songs after 1970 really do it for me. However another icon of the era has passed. At the age of 67, gonzo journalist Hunter Thompson, author of Hell's Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream , put a .45-caliber handgun to his head and ended it all (at least, his existence in its current form). In the early 1970s Nubbin Woods and I once tried to emulate Thompson's saga of drugs on the road ("We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold...") in our own version of Fear and Loathing ( Frog and Plucky Go for a Ride: Saloon Subcultures of Hibbing, Minnesota ), as we drove nonstop from Tennessee to the Minnesota-Canadian border fueled by speed, Quaaludes and, yes, lots of beer.

What does all of this have to do with anything, you might ask? Well, I'm coming to that, loose association that it may be. As some of you know, I turn 62 in April, old enough to receive Social Security. I, like Hunter Thompson, never thought I'd see 30, much less be around long enough start drawing a monthly stipend from the federal gummint. But as I've grown chronologically older, my view of life has shifted dramatically. To borrow from Dylan one more time, "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

So recently, realizing that I've likely lived more years than I have yet to live, my thoughts have turned to my remaining time in this form and what I'll do with it. What will it take for me, on my deathbed, exhaling my last breath, to smile and let go, knowing that I'm complete with this life, that I've done what I was here to do, that I've been who I was really meant to be?

I'm still wrestling with what's next for me, still waiting for a small sign or a big aha! But a couple of things are certain: It was time for me to complete my relationship as an editorial columnist with the Asheville Citizen-Times . I'd felt the constraints of the 750-word maximum and the list of topics that are suitable for the editorial page of a family newspaper and knew it was time to broaden the scope of my writing. And Life supported me in moving on in the form of editorial page editor Joy Franklin telling me that the editorial board wanted to bring new writers on early in 2005, letting me and my conservative counterpart go. There was a part of me that wanted to hold onto what was familiar. There was a part of me (the ego) that wanted to continue to have a soapbox in my community. But the bigger part of me knew it was perfect, a time to let go gracefully.

Likewise, I knew it was time for me to leave my job as the director of communications for a local healthcare organization (in fact, I've known this for over a year). I had gone as far in this organization as I was likely to go. I had accomplished a great deal for them and learned a great deal in the process, but I had become bored, no longer challenged by my duties and no apparent ways to expand my job description (as I had continued to do in my five years there). But the final straw was the toxic atmosphere that had deepened at my office over the past few months. Even so there was a part of me that wanted to stay, to continue collecting the paychecks every two weeks. And, again a part of me (yes, my ego again) wanted to hang on for reasons of prestige and standing in the eyes of others in the community. But I understood that the discord at my office was Life's signal to me that it was time. And so, again, I appreciatively let go of a comfortable position with excellent pay and benefits because I knew it was time for something more.

What's next? I'm really not sure, and this is not a comfortable place for me to be. I do know this: My wife, Shonnie (who recently quit her day job too), and I are going to Florida for a couple of weeks to slow down, decompress, get a tan and see what visions present themselves. We're on the threshold of creating a business together, and as part of this process, we're seeking answers to the following question:

As a committed and conscious couple, how can we fully and passionately share our greatest gifts with the world and create an authentic, abundant and soul-enhancing life together while contributing to humanity's evolution toward a more heart-centered, compassionate way of living and being?

That's not asking for too much, is it?

I'll keep you posted.

P.S. For those of you who don't know me well, I thought you might want to know that I gave up drugs and serious drinking around 20 years ago, though I still enjoy an occasional beer with pizza and Mexican food. I gave up the fear and self-loathing that helped elicit my substance abuse around ten years later.

Resources:

The Kairos Foundation , www.kairosfoundation.org . Courses that teach practical tools and skills that help you connect with your best self whenever you choose and grasp more of the creative possibilities in every life situation.

Shonnie Lavender , life coach and speaker , www.shonnielavender.com . A graduate of Coach U, Shonnie is also an Assistant Community Coach for CoachVille's Higher Ground Leadership Community. Shonnie works with men and women who are serious about creating positive results in their personal and professional lives. Her specialties include helping her clients to communicate in powerful and authentic ways, create and maintain healthy relationships at home and work, and build the self-confidence required to follow their big dreams. She's also an excellent mother to our five cats.

Kate Mulkey's website , http://www.active.com/donations/fundraise_public.cfm?key=katemulkey . My grand-niece, Kate Mulkey, age 3, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia on January 23rd and is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatments. On May 21st, Caren Roddy will be hiking into the Grand Canyon with the Hike for Discovery team to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The URL above tells more about Kate, Caren's efforts and provides an opportunity to make a contribution to help develop a cure for this disease.

"For the Sake of Our Children," by Robert F. Kennedy , Jr., Earthlight Magazine, www.earthlight.org/2005/essay52_kennedy.html Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. has a passionate desire for a sustainable future. The economic, the political, and the personal worlds are all part of this evolving vision. So too, is our spiritual life. Kennedy views the corporate assault on the environment as "a moral assault on future generations." And he has worked tirelessly to defend and preserve the common ecological birthright of our children.

"Time for Progressives to Grow Up," by Frances Moore Lappé , Guerilla News Network, www.guerrillanews.com/articles/article.php?id=1010 . An excellent critique of Lakoff's strict father vs. nurturant parent model.

"Our Velvet Revolution," by Doris "Granny D" Haddock . Common Dreams News Center , www.commondreams.org/views05/0117-31.htm . "This is our Velvet Revolution, American style. We resist what we must and what we can, but our victory is not in defense, but in a cultural offensive made irresistible by the power of love and courage, pulling our people together, and our own lives together, over time." (Granny D underwent surgery in early February to remove a tumor in her throat. She is expected to make a full recovery, and messages of support may be sent to dburke@DemocracyWeek.org .)

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